All at once everything looks different

Photo by Mohammad Metri on Unsplash

In spite of all the small-child-induced noise in my house, I frequently have music on in the background. Usually upbeat, dance/pop type music because it helps me feel motivated to do all.the.things and it’s hard to be in a bad mood when you feel like dancing.

(Don’t worry, I also have a “sad” playlist. Life isn’t always sunshine & rainbows & dancing, sometimes a girl needs to have a good cry.)

***

Music selection can be a little tricky with young children around; by no means am I mom-of-the-year over here but I save the explicit language for AFTER bedtime. It’s hard to find “censored” versions of songs on streaming services though, and let me just tell you how much I DESPISE KidzBop music… All the no. Hard pass. If you aren’t familiar, consider yourself lucky.

So the compromise is often Disney music. Who doesn’t love hearing “Hakuna Matata” or “A Whole New World” or “Under the Sea” etc. etc.?? It’s all just delightful. Nostalgia ftw.

EXCEPT “LET IT GO”. That song is cancelled. SKIP.

***

I definitely have my favorites, and one of them is “I See The Light” from Tangled. It’s a great movie, a great song, and I am a huge Zachary Levi fan so it’s just win-win all around.

BUT… mushy love songs are really NOT my jam these days. They tend to cause an overpowering combination of emotions to wash over me – it goes something like:

disgust -> anger -> envy -> sadness -> longing.

So SO fun you guys. It’s like experiencing the entire gamut of grief within three seconds. Music is so great.

***

Most of the time I’ll just hit skip really fast when this happens. NEXT. Blech. But today something different happened. I was listening to Mandy Moore’s angelic voice and a switch flipped in my brain. And even though I’ve heard this song a billion times and know all the words, I heard them in a totally different way.

It was me… singing to ME.

Instead of a love song, I heard a SELF-LOVE song. Instead of sad and mushy, I heard empowerment.

It’s weird and cheesy. But so am I so whatever.

***

I See The Light

All those days watching from the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I’ve been
Now I’m here blinking in the starlight
Now I’m here suddenly I see
Standing here it’s all so clear
I’m where I’m meant to be

And at last I see the light
And it’s like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it’s like the sky is new
And it’s warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

All those days chasing down a daydream
All those years living in a blur
All that time never truly seeing
Things, the way they were
Now she’s here shining in the starlight
Now she’s here suddenly I know
If she’s here it’s crystal clear
I’m where I’m meant to go

And at last I see the light
And it’s like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it’s like the sky is new
And it’s warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything is different
Now that I see you
Now that I see you

***

It’s nice to be seeing myself again.

I’m gonna have to try this tactic with other songs now. How nice would it be to redeem all the songs that suddenly became triggers? Who knew that I was going to have to “do the work” to heal my MUSIC??

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