A love letter to love

I have been BOMBARDED with a message about love today. I follow a ton of therapists, coaches, and relationship “experts” online, so love is an everyday theme in my life, but today was different. It was specific & repetitive. In posts I read, conversations I had, and the thoughts bouncing around my head…

Be open.

To life. To pain. To love.

Be open.

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Strength training for the soul

Do you ever have a thought, and then that little voice in your head starts telling you all the reasons why that is a terrible idea?

“That is crazy. You are crazy, Autumn. You don’t have time for that. You will hate it. It will be way too hard. You’ll just end up quitting. YOU CAN’T.”

That last one always pisses me off now. Fuck you, brain, don’t tell me what I can and cannot do!!!

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There’s freedom on the other side of loneliness.

Sometimes I have this urge to say things and I don’t know who I should say them to. It can create this panic inside me, this feeling of energy in my chest that needs to escape.

I’m sitting here, a million things bouncing around in my brain and I just want to TALK about it. I pick up my phone and my mind searches for who I should reach out to… who would “get” this? Who is going to understand? Who wants to hear me talk about this?

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Back to the motherf*cking basics

Man. I am getting anxiety just sitting here trying to think of how to begin this. It’s going to be rough and raw so here’s your fair warning.

I was doing so great. I had my shit allll figured out. Getting up early everyday to make my bed, meditate, and journal. Yoga everyday. Running 2-3 times a week. Lots of water and no coffee. In bed by midnight and up by 6:30am (6 hours of sleep is my sweet spot). Writing regularly, making plans with friends regularly, getting outside regularly… my life felt like a well-oiled machine of self-care and joy.

And now… not so much. All of that has gone to absolute hell.

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Becoming

Oh hey. How are ya?!

I’m sitting down to write this REAL QUICK just cause I feel like it. And in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been feeling like it for a few months now. *shrug*

At first, I was like, “OH NO MY BLOG I’M FAILING I NEED TO WRITE!”

Then I was like, “Eff it, it’s summer, I don’t care.”

And THEN, “Do I still want to even do that? I think so…? It’ll happen when it wants to happen I guess…”

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Heal all the things

I burnt the roof of my mouth on pizza that was way too hot last night. It hurts like a motherf***er.

It’s all raw and tender, some of the skin peeled off… real smart, Autumn.

I was way too eager to eat. I was hungry, it was late, I worked out right beforehand… Terrible decisions are made when we rush things. (And yes, I exercised and then ate pizza. It was thin crust. Let me live.)

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Happy Introspection Day!!

Independence Day had a different meaning for me this year.

When your life is going through drastic changes, holidays are weird. They just are. Holidays tend to revolve around tradition and family and friends, and when your family and friend situation is a disaster it tends to fuck up the tradition part too.

I’m not complaining. It’s honestly fine with me, I’m adjusting to a lot of new “normals” in my life; it’s just part of the territory.

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