Heal all the things

I burnt the roof of my mouth on pizza that was way too hot last night. It hurts like a motherf***er.

It’s all raw and tender, some of the skin peeled off… real smart, Autumn.

I was way too eager to eat. I was hungry, it was late, I worked out right beforehand… Terrible decisions are made when we rush things. (And yes, I exercised and then ate pizza. It was thin crust. Let me live.)

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Happy Introspection Day!!

Independence Day had a different meaning for me this year.

When your life is going through drastic changes, holidays are weird. They just are. Holidays tend to revolve around tradition and family and friends, and when your family and friend situation is a disaster it tends to fuck up the tradition part too.

I’m not complaining. It’s honestly fine with me, I’m adjusting to a lot of new “normals” in my life; it’s just part of the territory.

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Silencing the voices in my head

Life feels so weird to me right now.

I mean, I guess it’s been weird for a while… but right now in particular, I feel a little lost. I imagine myself as an astronaut, floating out in space all alone. No gravity, no sense of direction, no anything… just me, eerily suspended in a dark, vast nothingness, drifting aimlessly.

Damn. That shit sounds bleak. I promise I’m not depressed.

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Loneliness, lies, & LOVE

I don’t know what to write next.

I’ve written like ten different sentences and I just keep deleting them. Nothing feels right.

I have a long list on my phone of “blog post ideas.” I add to it constantly; I hear a quote, or have a thought, and my mind starts spinning a web of ideas and connections and what *I* want to say about that topic, so I quickly jot it down before I forget. I have a lot to say.

But this week, it all seems pointless. Forced. Empty.

So I’m just gonna type, with no plan at all, and just see where it goes…

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Some thoughts on grief.

This is not a popular opinion, but I love grief.

I know that sounds a little crazy. And trust me, it’s taken a while for me to get to this point. No one experiences pain and immediately thinks, “Oh good! I’m so glad this is happening!” I’m not that insane.

We normally equate grief with death. I hear “grief” and I picture a widow at her husband’s funeral, dressed in a tasteful black dress and crying quietly, still in shock. She is devastated… he is gone and life doesn’t make sense now. What is she supposed to do? How is she supposed to live in this world without him, ALONE? It isn’t fair; this wasn’t her choice… It’s heartbreaking.

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Don’t Worry, Be Happy

I wonder if I will ever reach an upper echelon of creativity where my brain thinks beyond song lyrics and movie quotes… One can hope.

I’m starting to realize that some of you are worried about me. And that is totally understandable… I’m walking a fine line of being vulnerable yet slightly vague. So for those of you who don’t know me very well or don’t know my whole story yet, you are left with questions, trying to fill in the blanks. That is a pretty normal human response; we are curious beings.

So I just want to say, for the record, I AM FINE. Really!

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All at once everything looks different

Photo by Mohammad Metri on Unsplash

In spite of all the small-child-induced noise in my house, I frequently have music on in the background. Usually upbeat, dance/pop type music because it helps me feel motivated to do all.the.things and it’s hard to be in a bad mood when you feel like dancing.

(Don’t worry, I also have a “sad” playlist. Life isn’t always sunshine & rainbows & dancing, sometimes a girl needs to have a good cry.)

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