Becoming

Oh hey. How are ya?!

I’m sitting down to write this REAL QUICK just cause I feel like it. And in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been feeling like it for a few months now. *shrug*

At first, I was like, “OH NO MY BLOG I’M FAILING I NEED TO WRITE!”

Then I was like, “Eff it, it’s summer, I don’t care.”

And THEN, “Do I still want to even do that? I think so…? It’ll happen when it wants to happen I guess…”

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Heal all the things

I burnt the roof of my mouth on pizza that was way too hot last night. It hurts like a motherf***er.

It’s all raw and tender, some of the skin peeled off… real smart, Autumn.

I was way too eager to eat. I was hungry, it was late, I worked out right beforehand… Terrible decisions are made when we rush things. (And yes, I exercised and then ate pizza. It was thin crust. Let me live.)

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Happy Introspection Day!!

Independence Day had a different meaning for me this year.

When your life is going through drastic changes, holidays are weird. They just are. Holidays tend to revolve around tradition and family and friends, and when your family and friend situation is a disaster it tends to fuck up the tradition part too.

I’m not complaining. It’s honestly fine with me, I’m adjusting to a lot of new “normals” in my life; it’s just part of the territory.

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Silencing the voices in my head

Life feels so weird to me right now.

I mean, I guess it’s been weird for a while… but right now in particular, I feel a little lost. I imagine myself as an astronaut, floating out in space all alone. No gravity, no sense of direction, no anything… just me, eerily suspended in a dark, vast nothingness, drifting aimlessly.

Damn. That shit sounds bleak. I promise I’m not depressed.

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Loneliness, lies, & LOVE

I don’t know what to write next.

I’ve written like ten different sentences and I just keep deleting them. Nothing feels right.

I have a long list on my phone of “blog post ideas.” I add to it constantly; I hear a quote, or have a thought, and my mind starts spinning a web of ideas and connections and what *I* want to say about that topic, so I quickly jot it down before I forget. I have a lot to say.

But this week, it all seems pointless. Forced. Empty.

So I’m just gonna type, with no plan at all, and just see where it goes…

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